I found the photos of my younger self at a time that I wanted to spend time exploring. Drawing on the inner child work, I was inspired to use the technique of The Creative Journal: The Art of Finding Yourself by Lucia Capacchione.  Here is a link to an article to give you some details of the left hand/right hand journaling.  https://spiritualityhealth.com/blogs/real-love-with-eve/2015/12/07/eve-hogan-left-and-right-handed-journaling

I told Vikki about what was revealed to me and I’ve shared about it at signposts.  My inner child appeared to me to be inside the darkness of a pocket. I was standing on the outside peeking in at her. Instead of drawing her out into the light, the image of the pocket inverted. She said in the writing that she was not in darkness. That I was putting her in there (with my story layered with thoughts, beliefs, emotions recalled from the past). In one instant I was standing on the outside of the pocket peeking in at her and the next moment, the pocket inverted and I was inside and she was on the outside peeking in at me with great wisdom and compassion. She then said that “You cannot stand in the Light and put someone else in darkness”.  What she meant was that my story had imagined her to be in darkness while I imagined that I was standing in the Light - the sunlight of the Spirit.  When I judged her to be in darkness, I was no longer living in compassion and love in the Light. I was living in judgement and fear in the dark. I cannot be in fear and love. I cannot stand in judgement of others and be the living example of God consciousness/Christ Consciousness/The Sunlight of the Spirit.  Depending on someone’s belief system each of these may resonate for some and not others.  They are often interchangeable for me. 

So in that moment of journaling with her, her words were on the left side of the page written in the awkwardness of my non-dominant left hand.  I asked questions to her and spoke from my current place with my dominant right hand on the right side of the page.  Back and forth we dialogued.  It took time and patience to write with the left hand.  I actually had to slow down and give care to that the little girl that was writing with the left hand.  I fully intended to go into this process as the “future self” - who was more experienced and adult and responsible - to help the inner child “younger self” who was living in darkness in my memory.  She told me that she chose to experience all that she did. It was a part of her path. She knew that I would be here in the future and need to go through this experience with Vikki - with myself - with my future self. This was all part of the path.  She became a hero in my story in that very instant.  She was smiling with me as I had the realization that I had no idea that she was playing a part.  Although the part was filled with experiences that one might not want to choose to participate in, she did.  She knew there was a greater purpose at work.  She was all in for it so that I could have this now moment of REVELATION!  

Do you remember watching the movie the 6th Sense all the way to the point where you discovered the boy was dead and had been dead through the whole movie? You had to replay every part every scene differently through this new lens and see that the movie actually was different with this news?  Well that is what happened when my little girl showed me that she wasn’t a victim of ANYTHING.  She was (not unlike a great actor in a scene) able to play a role in a difficult circumstance, because it was part of a greater movie AND she wasn’t harmed in the process.  She was waiting all along for me to realize this. She was like a little mischief maker laughing and jumping up and down with my newfound knowledge.  

In that healing writing process, I had not healed her, but she had healed me.  I could not stand in the light and put her in darkness.   I could not recall the events of the past with sadness, hatred, fear, regret, or resentment at all.  I was washed clean of all that. It was completely done.  How could that be? I know for sure it had something to do with that writing and some degree of willingness to see what came from it.  I showed up with compassion and was filled up with so much more.  I cannot be undone now.  Just like the movie, I cannot replay the story with a victim childhood.  It is just not possible.  

#selfacceptance #lifestyle